Jul
04
Filed Under (Story) by MInTheGap on 04-07-2007

“Yeah, unfortunately.”

“Laura and I really had a good time tonight. We had dinner then a movie.”

“A movie, at midnight?”

“Well, it was the late show. Anyway, how come you never go out on dates?”

“I just haven’t found the right girl yet, that’s all.”

“Hey, I know. I’ll introduce you to Laura’s friend — what’s her name — Tricia! That’s it. She works at the museum.”

“Don’t do me any favors.” I said. With that we fell asleep. The next morning, I got up and got breakfast from outside the door. This apartment came with free meals. Although they were not much, they were free. I woke Noah up and we ate breakfast.

“You know,” Noah said, “I think I’ll become an inventor.”

“An inventor, give me a break! Okay, Mr. Inventor, fix the television.”

“Sure!” Noah said, getting up. He walked over and worked on the broken knob. After he fixed it, he said, “Here we go.” He went over to the phone, picked it up, and dialed a number.

“Who are you calling?”

“Why Laura, of course.”

“Oh.” Noah talked with Laura while I went and packed some clothes. “Hey Noah!”

“Yeah?”

“I’m going to play some volleyball.”

“Okay.” He shouted, his mouth away from the phone. I left the apartment for the gym. I went inside the locker room and changed clothes. I went out on to the court to warm up for our game. During the years I spent at college I would come here to practice and we had kind of formed a co-ed team. The team consisted of six players, three boys and three girls. I was the Captain of our team. We challenged area teams. I practiced for ten minutes, while the rest of the team arrived, and we did group warm ups while we were waiting for the other team to arrive. We played a mean game, lost two and won three of the games we played.

“Hey Adam!” Heather said. “Like, do you remember like that I won’t like be here after like tomorrow.?

“What?! Where are you going?”

“Like, Springfield, Missouri. I figure I can like get a job there and maybe like find a husband.”

“Oh. Well, good luck.” I was worried. Heather was one of the team, and we would need another player soon. Sure, we could play five on six, but it was not normal. I showered, changed clothes, and went upstairs. Noah had changed. He was dressed in a polo-shirt, slacks, and a brown leather jacket, and he handed me my jacket, a trench coat.

“Hey, come on buddy.”

“Where are we going?”

“Where else? To the museum.”

“Why there?”

“Tricia’s there!”

“Oh, yeah.” We went down stairs and got into the car. I drove us there and we entered the museum. Once inside, Noah and I became separated quickly because there was a mob of people. I walked around for a while, when I finally stumbled upon a girl wearing what appeared to be a uniform, giving information about an artist’s palette which was encased in glass.



Comments:
3 Comments posted on "The Mystery Begins - Page 2"
Mary on July 10th, 2007 at 10:13 am #

This is so, like, a guy, to only be concerned about his team losing a player…lol.

Fun seeing your fiction. I’d LOVE to blog my fiction and get feedback, but ya know…if only it could still be publishable (other than e-pubbed).

Are you editing these before posting? Just curious, I know you said that it was stuff you’d written a long time ago. You’ve done a pretty clean job so far!


MInTheGap on July 10th, 2007 at 2:01 pm #

I don’t know that if I ever published my works I would get anything for it. I need to judge interest first!

At least it’s something new and interesting to read. I wonder if I should do a post on the main blog that references the story. If I could find some life principle, I could. Or even some kind of weekly spotlight over on the main site.

Now you have me thinking.

I’m changing the names from original before posting, but pretty much they’re staying the same. When I wrote them in high school I actually had a English teacher read through and help me with grammar. (These were written mostly during my junior and senior years.)

One of the things that I’m noticing is that I’m telling a lot of the story with dialog rather than context. I wonder if this is good or bad…


Mary on July 10th, 2007 at 2:20 pm #

Well, it’s funny with newbie writers we all tend to make the same mistakes at the outset. Things to watch for are writing in passive voice rather than active (you don’t seem to have a problem with this, of course I’ve only read a few pages), head-hopping (getting into more than one characters head in a single scene), telling too much rather than showing it, etc.

Using dialog a lot is great, studies have been shown that the more “white space” in the margins of a book the better. It really hooks your reader, and keeps the story in the “now”. I have a problem with too much interior monologue. My characters think too much!

You have some good ideas for connecting the two blogs. Maybe you should have something in the sidebar at MInTheGap that is just for this blog…rss feed, something more eye-catching that where you have it now. Just a thought. You’re going to run out of room on the sidebars! ;)